“I, Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus”
August 1, 10 B.C.: The greatest day mankind has witnessed. What’s so special about this day? The birth of I, Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus, that’s what’s important. I am the youngest son of Nero Drusus born in the town of Lugdunum, Gaul. Generally speaking, I had one of the worst childhoods ever. My dad died while campaigning in Germania in 9 B.C., and my monster of a mother made me the outcast of my family due to my mental disabilities and physical handicaps. In fact lots of people observed my strange behavior and declared that I was generally an embarrassment to my family. Whenever I walk, my knees give out underneath me, and I have a terrible stutter. Also, my laugh is considered obnoxious to many, and whenever I get annoyed apparently I froth at the mouth and my nose runs. My horrible mother then gave me to my grandmother, Livia, for a couple of years so she could take care of me. Then, to add insult to injury, Livia, thinking I was too lazy and idle, hired the great Livy to tutor me in 8 A.D. After studying under him, I wrote my first commentary on the history of civil wars. This book did not fly with my mother because it shed a bad light on the mighty Octavian.
When Augustus died in 14 A.D., I asked my uncle Tiberius, who became the new emperor of Rome, to hold a public office and successfully join the Cursus Honorem. However, due to my social awkwardness I was rejected. Finally in 37, my nephew Caligula appointed me as co-consul because he saw some worth in me. My value: to be the subject of his jokes and pranks. After Caligula was assassinated in 41 A.D., I, fearing for my life, hid behind a curtain, hoping I would not be killed as well. A praetorian prefect found me, took me to his superior, and right then and there I was declared Emperor of the Rome. Somehow, I managed to quickly find popularity in my newfound position by damnatio memoriae- ing Caligula, In 42, some punk by the name of Marcus Furius Camillus Scribonianus tried to overthrow my rule, but his rebellion was quickly put down. This revolt did, however, lead to my increasing of my personal security and assisted in creating my paranoid personality. Then in 43, I sent Aulus Plautius to Britannia to conquer the land rich in mines and potential slaves.
As emperor, I did not focus on public building projects as much as I did expanding the empire. There are a few minor projects that I did complete though. In 46 I completed the new addition to the port of Ostia, the Portus. This Portus assisted in helping prevent grain shortages in the winter months, and also prevented less flooding in Rome. Skipping ahead a few years, in 52 I completed both the Aqua Claudia, which supplied 14 roman districts with water, and the Anio Novus. These two important aqueducts met in Porta Maggiore in Rome. My last important building project was the attempted draining of the Fucine Lake. The purpose of this action: expansion, more importantly for farmers looking for arable land. In the end, my grand plan of inserting drainage tunnels in the lake failed miserably, as the drains cracked under the immense pressure of the water.
As you can see, I was a diamond in the rough: a social pariah that in the end turned out to be an important emperor as displayed by my immense expansion of the Empire itself.
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