On My Life and Leadership

On My Life and Leadership

Gaius Caligula

My life began in a small town called Antium in 12 A.D. While my father was away, my mother was on a vacation to paradise there, which I ruined with my painful birth. She still has not forgiven me to this day. Sorry Mommy, I love you. When my father came back, he immediately brought me to where the soldiers were. Not on the front lines, but in the back with the tents. He did this to make up for the fact that HE WAS A TERRIBLE FATHER AND MISSED HIS OWN SON’S BIRTH!! But anyway, I was about 10-12 by this point and the soldiers thought I was the cutest thing in the world. While I liked the attention, I am not cute. I was the EMPORER OF ROME! I was so powerful that people attempted to murder me several times in office. But, in all of my strength, I rejected their attempts again and again. Back to the soldiers. They dressed me up in mini soldier outfits and had me reenact battles. Let me tell you, those wars that I reenacted were so well reenacted that I learned how to be a soldier just by sheer force of will from the acts. The soldiers however thought differently. They thought I was cute and adorable. I am NOT cute or adorable, but instead I am fierce and brave! Anyway they nicknamed me Caligula for “little boot” and sadly the name stuck with me. Later, I finally got real training in the fatal art of warfare. I was the best student that they ever had; they just did not know it. Eventually I was adopted away from my biological family, which I think allowed my strengths to grow vaster and stronger. Sorry but Germanicus was at the end of his time, outdated. Anyway, my new father was emperor and when he died, I became Emperor of the Roman Empire in 37 A.D. The first thing I did was I gave back to the soldiers. I increased their pay along with increasing entertainment and government pay. I once got into an argument with a man named Julius Canus. I HATE anyone that argues with me so, let’s just say that… He got his rightful treatment. With Julius out of the way and no more annoyances I could begin building. But, because I received damnatio memoriae anything I finished was destroyed. THE DIRTY TRAITORS!! I began the Circus of Gaius and Nero in 38 A.D at the bottom of the Vatican Hill for entertainment. I even brought an Egyptian obelisk! That is how cool I am. I also began the Aqua Claudia, which ended in the Anio Novus in Rome. This was a 58-mile-long aqueduct to bring in tons of water from the Springs of Subiaco. Did I mention that it is the HIGHEST AQUEDUCT EVER? Yeah, no big deal. Finally, I was challenged by a soothsayer. He said as soon as I crossed from Baiae to Puteoli on my horse, then I could rule rightly. To spite that man, I built a floating bridge and valiantly rode all the way from Baiae to Puteoli. That way NO ONE could challenge my reign. Sadly, my awesome leadership ended in 41 A.D. when the Praetorian Guard stabbed me in the back. Actually more like the stomach… and throat… and heart… This terrible revolt was led by the should-be infamous Cassius Chaerea. After I spent so much money on keeping my people happy and entertained, they turned on me like some low-down, dirty, conniving DOGS! Well, what is over is over and that is the story of my life and leadership.

By: Colin Caldwell